As I approach my newfound “full time” job with gusto, I am really seeing how human nature works (and how bad people truly do need a life and health coach and to work on themselves from the inside). Because of the wonderful support granted by IIN and my colleagues and friends on the OEF (that’s the site we have at school for support and to ask questions etc), I have learned two things: 1) there is no rejection just selection and 2) you WILL get push back. Well, in the last week I have seen both and for me it’s very telling about the nature of things today in America.
I am finding that people seem to take pleasure in watching others fail. It is a sad state of affairs. I mean, look, health coaching is not for everyone, I am not naive enough to think that each and every person I approach will understand what I do much less want to work with me, and that is ok. We are all in different places in our lives and much like a drug addict or alcoholic who won’t seek help, you can not MAKE someone want to be healthy-they have to do it on their own be ready for the change and the hard work. They need to be at their whits end and say I’ve had enough of this lfe (now before anyone gets all worked up-I am NOT in any way linking all unhealthy people to alcholism and drug addiction-it was simply an example).
The other day I was chatting with a few friends while my son was at JuJitsu-their sons also take the class. I have met some of the most beautiful people in my short time here in North Texas and am really very lucky to be able to visit with them each week in different locales. These people are so real and raw and I am loving just learning about them and being their friends.
There is a new mom who brought her two gorgeous boys into the class. I introduced myself to her on the first day she was there but as I am TERRIBLE with names, I reintroduced myself and gave her my card this week. She looked at my card and said, huh a health coach…then she began to pepepr me with questions as if it were an interrogation.
Here I am saying to myself…ok, here it comes, you worked hard all year for this…elevator speech, I am ready…I am confident in what I do so I can answer any questions with honesty and the knowledge that I do have. What I wasn’t ready for was the confrontational way she asked me questions…kind of like I know this stuff but do you-obviously you don’t?
You see, she explained that her house is gluten free, dairy free among other “free” things. She is lucky that she had the wherewithall to realize that something was amiss and do the research for her family to make them better. If only more people would be so bold! But because she has had to do extensive research on the gluten side of things, she has a ton of knowledge-and that is great (I wish more people were like her in that manner)! The problem with knowledge is sometimes people do not know how to handle it properly and can get very confrontational if they feel like someone has inferior information. The issue I had was I felt very attacked by her…like she was trying to make sure I knew that I knew less about the subject and she knew more therefore rendering me invalid at my choice of careers. And you know what…I DO know less about it-and I am not afraid to admit that. Each and every time she asked me a question about my “knowledge” and I began to answer-she interrupted my answer to tell me in so many words/ways that I was incorrect and she knows more. In a sense tell me I know nothing and she knows everything. Ok…that’s ok…
I listened to her because I think that is what she needed-to feel superior at that point in time. Then I turned the conversation around to what she does for a living and supported her as much as I could in her explanation of her job (and it is a really cool job that she does). I too, have extensive business acumen…I have run a multi-million dollar company with my dad but I do not choose to challenge people on whether I can do it better, but I choose to be supportive and be the “atta girl” kind of person. Use my knowledge constructively and learn each and every day from others.
What I learned from this situation is how to handle superiority complexes…I think, actually, that people who need to be that way have so many other “things” going on in their lives that they are unhappy with. I believe that NO ONE is superior to others…you can not make your own heartbeat.
So what I did is learn a lesson from this sitaution and I sat down and I prayed for her. I prayed for peace in her life from whatever it is that she is struggling with (or doesn’t know that she is struggling with). And, I look forward to seeing her again upon our return to the next JuJitsu class. I think she is beautiful and I learned so much from her about a subject that I am not yet a master!
Kindness and understanding…
The second time this week that I have run into people who seem to selfishly want others to fail is at my gym. We belong to a new gym…it is beautiful with sparkling new equipment, but does not have a huge membership yet. I work out there almost every day of the week-trying to keep healthy the best way I know how. Normally when I am working out, the personal trainers are in there either with their clients or working themselves out. They are a thing of beauty-you should see them-no fat and beautiful lean muscles. Strong and lovely people. Valid to be helping those who are in need of support in their health journeys.
I approached the manager last week to introduce myself and let him know who I am and what I do. You see, I had not seen or heard (and I listen) any of the trainers talking nutrition with their clients. Of course, I am not privy to their private conversations but in general, most personal trainers are not trained in bioindividuality of nutrition-they either give their one type diet plan or put them on weight loss products. So I thought maybe I could partner with the gym and their trainers to give these people something that they are not yet exposed to. The manager seemed very on board. My product does not compete at all with what their mission is, it only compliments it. Aren’t we all out to do one thing-help people?
WRONG…apparently we are not all out for that in this health journey…apparently some of us are out for the almighty dollar and that is all. You see, for some reason at least one of the trainers must feel like I am trying to impede upon his ability to get clients. I do not know why because if he actually stopped and thought about it, he would see that I have offered to drive my clients to the gym (membership and more $$ for the owners) and to him and his colleagues (more $$) and if they felt their clients might be able to use my service from time to time for those that may not be able to fully help (mind body and soul) then please send them my way.
Here again, he seems so wrapped up in superiority to forget that he does not know everything…he is not an expert in everything health (none of us are). My own personal trainer said it like this…the best heart surgeons in the world do not know much about the rest of the body because they do not have to-they are heart surgeons and we expect that they know that part of the human body like the back of their hands-they don’t try to be specialists in other part of the body-they refer.
Unless he has a certification from IIN, he knows nothing really about what I can do to supplement his work with his clients. So, instead of admitting that to himself and choosing to think about what is best for his clients…he has chosen to snuff me out…to make sure that I do not have access to ANY of the clientelle at the gym through the trainers. How completely selfish can one person be? Now, the other trainers, whom I have had discussions about working a referral system with and who are on board because they want the best for their clients (and could get more from my referrals as well) will not get the refernce from me after all. Because one person’s inferiority complex has shown through, he has ruined it for others too.
There is no rejection just selection…there is no rejection just selection…there is no rejection just selection…sigh I have to keep telling myself this.
My job is to help people get healthy and work through their issues in their lives, the way I do each and every day for myself. What I have learned from these two people as well as numerous others is that we are all a work in progress. Some are farther along than others and some may never come to terms with the fact that, for the most part, we are all out to accomplish the same goal…we need to be more gentle with one another. Utilize each other’s strengths to come to that common goal. I am not out to take you down, take money out of your pocket, make you think I know it all and you know nothing. I am not out to make you feel less than you are or take anything from you at all. I want to be there to partner with others who carry the same vision and mission I do…I want to learn as much as I can for as long as I can so that I can pass along health, happiness, love and understanding. I try to learn from the knowledge of others and utilize that each and every day in my own journey.
So, let’s all be gentle with one another…let’s NOT look at things from the negative or be on the attack. It seems so angry and mean to take pleasure in the failure of others and to be frank it takes so much more energy. Let’s work together for a common good-for a common outcome. Put the arrogance aside and remember what we do this for (and while the almighty dollar is grand it sure as hell shouldn’t be the raison d’etre).
Be gentle-and as they said in England during the war..”keep calm and carry on”.
In good health…