So my daughter has this friend who is so bright and shiny and never seems to have a bad day. They are going into 8th grade so they are in “THAT” time of their lives-pre-teen girls. This girl, however, is different. She once told me that she wakes up every day and tells herself that she is going to have a great day-and then she does. She chooses to smile. That’s pretty deep for a girl so young-to understand that she has a choice in how she lives, how she will affect herself and others. That does not mean she doesn’t have struggles, but it is how she chooses to deal with them that makes the difference. I’m 43 years old and still struggle with that.
In all my personal work, I still have not been able to grasp the idea that only I am responsible for myself and my attitude. That I get to choose how people affect me and how I deal with situations and problems. That being a certain way is a choice….
This world is so full of bitterness and blame and it makes me sad. I am not immune from that sterotype either. I have been known to have a sharp tongue but to be honest, I hate it. Inside I scream at myself because I HATE to hurt people-I would rather hurt myself than others. But that’s all wrong too…what I need to do is be true to myself and honest with myself and then perhaps I wouldn’t have to sling uglies at others. I need to be happy for the lesson instead of upset that I had to learn it.
Frustrations about everything lie at every corner-no time, it’s hot, we need rain, the kids are driving me mad, my husband doesn’t understand, I don’t understand, I feel like a lazy loser, the house is a mess, I can’t catch up, we don’t have any money, my coworkers suck, my boss expects too much…blah blah blah complain complain complain. But here is something that I would like to share about myself…that in all of those frustrations, I have this ideal that no matter what, we will be ok-whether it’s money or time or anything, I just believe that all will be fine-things will fall into the place they need to be and all is well. Some people I know do not hold this same vision about life and therefore get upset at me for what they perceive as my lack of drive or maybe care is a better word, in certain situations. I do care-I REALLY care, but I believe…I believe that God has a plan for me-for all of us. I believe that if something doesn’t fall into the place I think I want it, then it wasn’t meant to go there or be that way and so therefore something else needs to happen. I stress about so much “stuff’ in my life that to add the “what if’s” of the future would drive me to the looney house. I am content in just having faith.
So, here is my point (to you and of course to myself)…Don’t stress-no really…don’t stress, believe that all will be well no matter what (it might not be fun or might be difficult but it will be ok), wake up each morning and tell yourself you are going to have a great day and have one (or at least start with having an hour or two)! This really is a choice you can make for yourself.
Be happy-really be happy-aren’t we so lucky to wake up and be alive? We spend so much time being unhappy or finding the bad/negative in everything that we forget that the alternative is not being here at all. Look at the small things in life and find SOMETHING that makes you happy and smile. Watch your stress melt away from that one small “thing” you chose to find beautiful.
I watched my son the other day at one of his sports practices. He isn’t particularly athletic-yet- but he smiled the entire time. He wasn’t great at what they were doing, he wasn’t the fastest, he wasn’t the strongest-he even fell flat on his face at one point, but he smiled because he gave what he could and he CHOSE to enjoy himself even though he wasn’t what everyone perceives as “perfect” at it. He felt perfect and that is all that really matters. Bless him for showing me that. It is a picture that I will never ever forget. I will forever use this as an example to myself and others.
I also like to use the pro-golfer Matt Kuchar as a great example of how a smile can change both yours and others’ lives. After his Freshman year in college, he qualified for the greatest golfing championship in my opinion-The Masters. He should have been intimidated, he should have been scared and he should have been more serious-right? But what he was was happy and grateful. Kuchar swept the golf world off its feet with his smile and game, right under the shadow of Tiger and other incredibly successful professionals in the first round. As Woods and the others sputtered and fumed when their putts careened past the hole and clubs were slammed at bags when shots went awry (yes this did happen), Kuchar beamed-not because the other players were struggling but because he was having the time of his life, playing well and enjoying the moment and he wanted everyone to know it. To Kuchar a round of golf is a celebration in and of itself. To Woods and others on that course the game is a strategic tragedy fraught with peril at every turn of a dogleg – kick butt, take names and add them up at the end. In Woods’ mind, the only thing worth celebrating is total victory and nothing less. To Kuchar just playing the game and being out there was enough. I don’t particularly remember much about that Masters except that Mark O’Meara did win the Championship but it was Kuchar who ran away with our hearts and will be forever burned into my memory of what was important that weekend.
So I also add SMILE-it might tick off a few people or make them question your motives, but do it anyway and be honest about it not mean. People may even yell at you to “wipe off that shit eating grin from your face” (that happened to me just last week)-smile anyway-because it isn’t about them…it’s about you and your affect on yourself and the world around you and how you choose to deal with issues and problems. It’s about being grateful for the moment or for the lesson you just got to learn. Even if you make a mistake or say or do something you regret, smile-not because “you showed them” but because you are happy and you are healthy and you realize that maybe you shouldn’t have said or done that and that realization alone is a big postive step in becoming a better person. That in itself is the lesson learned and something to be proud of and happy for.
I am a HUGE work in progress (I say it all the time), probably we all are. But we can change our own worlds one step at a time.
In Good Health…
some information for this article taken from Florida Golf Monthly,Copyright 1996, 1997, 1998 Impact Interactive, Inc.
Nothing is impossible when you believe…
I ran across this video and it filled me with inspiration..
As I approach my newfound “full time” job with gusto, I am really seeing how human nature works (and how bad people truly do need a life and health coach and to work on themselves from the inside). Because of the wonderful support granted by IIN and my colleagues and friends on the OEF (that’s the site we have at school for support and to ask questions etc), I have learned two things: 1) there is no rejection just selection and 2) you WILL get push back. Well, in the last week I have seen both and for me it’s very telling about the nature of things today in America.
I am finding that people seem to take pleasure in watching others fail. It is a sad state of affairs. I mean, look, health coaching is not for everyone, I am not naive enough to think that each and every person I approach will understand what I do much less want to work with me, and that is ok. We are all in different places in our lives and much like a drug addict or alcoholic who won’t seek help, you can not MAKE someone want to be healthy-they have to do it on their own be ready for the change and the hard work. They need to be at their whits end and say I’ve had enough of this lfe (now before anyone gets all worked up-I am NOT in any way linking all unhealthy people to alcholism and drug addiction-it was simply an example).
The other day I was chatting with a few friends while my son was at JuJitsu-their sons also take the class. I have met some of the most beautiful people in my short time here in North Texas and am really very lucky to be able to visit with them each week in different locales. These people are so real and raw and I am loving just learning about them and being their friends.
There is a new mom who brought her two gorgeous boys into the class. I introduced myself to her on the first day she was there but as I am TERRIBLE with names, I reintroduced myself and gave her my card this week. She looked at my card and said, huh a health coach…then she began to pepepr me with questions as if it were an interrogation.
Here I am saying to myself…ok, here it comes, you worked hard all year for this…elevator speech, I am ready…I am confident in what I do so I can answer any questions with honesty and the knowledge that I do have. What I wasn’t ready for was the confrontational way she asked me questions…kind of like I know this stuff but do you-obviously you don’t?
You see, she explained that her house is gluten free, dairy free among other “free” things. She is lucky that she had the wherewithall to realize that something was amiss and do the research for her family to make them better. If only more people would be so bold! But because she has had to do extensive research on the gluten side of things, she has a ton of knowledge-and that is great (I wish more people were like her in that manner)! The problem with knowledge is sometimes people do not know how to handle it properly and can get very confrontational if they feel like someone has inferior information. The issue I had was I felt very attacked by her…like she was trying to make sure I knew that I knew less about the subject and she knew more therefore rendering me invalid at my choice of careers. And you know what…I DO know less about it-and I am not afraid to admit that. Each and every time she asked me a question about my “knowledge” and I began to answer-she interrupted my answer to tell me in so many words/ways that I was incorrect and she knows more. In a sense tell me I know nothing and she knows everything. Ok…that’s ok…
I listened to her because I think that is what she needed-to feel superior at that point in time. Then I turned the conversation around to what she does for a living and supported her as much as I could in her explanation of her job (and it is a really cool job that she does). I too, have extensive business acumen…I have run a multi-million dollar company with my dad but I do not choose to challenge people on whether I can do it better, but I choose to be supportive and be the “atta girl” kind of person. Use my knowledge constructively and learn each and every day from others.
What I learned from this situation is how to handle superiority complexes…I think, actually, that people who need to be that way have so many other “things” going on in their lives that they are unhappy with. I believe that NO ONE is superior to others…you can not make your own heartbeat.
So what I did is learn a lesson from this sitaution and I sat down and I prayed for her. I prayed for peace in her life from whatever it is that she is struggling with (or doesn’t know that she is struggling with). And, I look forward to seeing her again upon our return to the next JuJitsu class. I think she is beautiful and I learned so much from her about a subject that I am not yet a master!
Kindness and understanding…
The second time this week that I have run into people who seem to selfishly want others to fail is at my gym. We belong to a new gym…it is beautiful with sparkling new equipment, but does not have a huge membership yet. I work out there almost every day of the week-trying to keep healthy the best way I know how. Normally when I am working out, the personal trainers are in there either with their clients or working themselves out. They are a thing of beauty-you should see them-no fat and beautiful lean muscles. Strong and lovely people. Valid to be helping those who are in need of support in their health journeys.
I approached the manager last week to introduce myself and let him know who I am and what I do. You see, I had not seen or heard (and I listen) any of the trainers talking nutrition with their clients. Of course, I am not privy to their private conversations but in general, most personal trainers are not trained in bioindividuality of nutrition-they either give their one type diet plan or put them on weight loss products. So I thought maybe I could partner with the gym and their trainers to give these people something that they are not yet exposed to. The manager seemed very on board. My product does not compete at all with what their mission is, it only compliments it. Aren’t we all out to do one thing-help people?
WRONG…apparently we are not all out for that in this health journey…apparently some of us are out for the almighty dollar and that is all. You see, for some reason at least one of the trainers must feel like I am trying to impede upon his ability to get clients. I do not know why because if he actually stopped and thought about it, he would see that I have offered to drive my clients to the gym (membership and more $$ for the owners) and to him and his colleagues (more $$) and if they felt their clients might be able to use my service from time to time for those that may not be able to fully help (mind body and soul) then please send them my way.
Here again, he seems so wrapped up in superiority to forget that he does not know everything…he is not an expert in everything health (none of us are). My own personal trainer said it like this…the best heart surgeons in the world do not know much about the rest of the body because they do not have to-they are heart surgeons and we expect that they know that part of the human body like the back of their hands-they don’t try to be specialists in other part of the body-they refer.
Unless he has a certification from IIN, he knows nothing really about what I can do to supplement his work with his clients. So, instead of admitting that to himself and choosing to think about what is best for his clients…he has chosen to snuff me out…to make sure that I do not have access to ANY of the clientelle at the gym through the trainers. How completely selfish can one person be? Now, the other trainers, whom I have had discussions about working a referral system with and who are on board because they want the best for their clients (and could get more from my referrals as well) will not get the refernce from me after all. Because one person’s inferiority complex has shown through, he has ruined it for others too.
There is no rejection just selection…there is no rejection just selection…there is no rejection just selection…sigh I have to keep telling myself this.
My job is to help people get healthy and work through their issues in their lives, the way I do each and every day for myself. What I have learned from these two people as well as numerous others is that we are all a work in progress. Some are farther along than others and some may never come to terms with the fact that, for the most part, we are all out to accomplish the same goal…we need to be more gentle with one another. Utilize each other’s strengths to come to that common goal. I am not out to take you down, take money out of your pocket, make you think I know it all and you know nothing. I am not out to make you feel less than you are or take anything from you at all. I want to be there to partner with others who carry the same vision and mission I do…I want to learn as much as I can for as long as I can so that I can pass along health, happiness, love and understanding. I try to learn from the knowledge of others and utilize that each and every day in my own journey.
So, let’s all be gentle with one another…let’s NOT look at things from the negative or be on the attack. It seems so angry and mean to take pleasure in the failure of others and to be frank it takes so much more energy. Let’s work together for a common good-for a common outcome. Put the arrogance aside and remember what we do this for (and while the almighty dollar is grand it sure as hell shouldn’t be the raison d’etre).
Be gentle-and as they said in England during the war..”keep calm and carry on”.
In good health…
So, I DID IT!!! I resigned from my job at the school system and have taken a part time job with a firm that does land deals-more up my alley AND this allows me much more flexibility to continue building my health coaching business! I feel really good about not having to do a job that my soul was not in but now I am a bit nervous about the future (even though my soul is in this one). They say that you should face your fears head on, acknowledge them and do it anyway. Well, I’m jumping in with two feet and my eyes closed. I am so very excited about this new phase of my life but fearful I am.
I think the biggest issue is that this will be a test for me. This will show myself if I can practice what I preach…can I talk the talk..get out there and market myself enough for people to see how valid I truly am? I KNOW with everything that I am and have that I am good at this, that I know what I am doing and that I am ready for the big time, but will some ugly part of me show up that deep down I knew about myself but didn’t want to admit? Some things that I have not yet confronted in my personal work?
For instance…am I lazy? Have I been so lucky in life that everything pretty much went the way I wanted it to so that now I have no skills to work hard to be a success? Does it really matter how bad I want this? Will I sabatoge myself? Will someone else sabatoge me along the way enough that I can’t recover? FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR rearing its ugly head from everywhere…
They say that your life will end up where your thoughts go…so I have to figure out how to step outside of the fear and show people that I can help them make a change in their lives-that I am the “real deal” that I truly CARE about their outcomes in this world.
So for today, I will hold my head high, smile inside and out and feel proud that I have taken the first step towards a really killer life…this is the best way I know how to face the fear in the beginning.
Step 1-take care of yourself first before you can attempt to take care of others ——quit unhealthy job…CHECK!!!
I have a sign on my wall that says, ” What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”-it’s a valid question and a great way to face my fear head-on.
In good health…
So, I often wonder to myself, Am I overindulging my kids? A friend of mine and I had this conversation yesterday while we were waiting for our boys to finish JuJitsu. Am I one of THOSE parents creating two inherently lazy members of the American society? Of course, I wouldn’t like to think so, but am I?
I mean, we both agreed that children are insanely micromanaged these days. They have no capacity to make decisions on their own, dress appropriately, know what to do when. But, I think this is OUR fault. We are creating a generation of non-thinkings, non-doers. And, I think we are confusing them. We have all these expectations but do not allow them to actually fulfill them. Where do we get off thinking that everything needs to be done our way every time? Do we feel so out of control in our everyday lives that we have to find the one thing that we feel we CAN control-our kids?
My husband and I have expectations in our home (and in public for that matter)-you live here, you become a contributing member of the household, you act appropriately and with respect. We are the “yes ma’am, yes sir family. We are pretty good parents by most standards and our kids are fantastic children. And, these expectations don’t mean we expect our six year old to be able to do the laundry on his own or even at all for that matter, but what it does mean is that we expect that he understands that he has to bring his clothes down on his own to be washed or they don’t get washed (yeah right, the clothes always do get washed regardless, but the threat seems to work even though he could care less about clean clothes to be completely honest-but you get the picture). I don’t think that is out of line at all…but are we doing enough? Are we doing too much for them all the while expecting them to be able to learn to be self-sufficient?
On the other hand, I really want so badly for my kids to be able to stand on their own two feet everywhere they go. But, I seem to have a difficult time “letting go” and allowing my children to actually LIVE the lessons that we have taught them…look both ways when you cross the street (seem to always still remind them), clean your rooms, make your beds, PLEASE do the dishes, feed the dog, etc etc etc. I mean if they don’t make the mistakes and see the repercussions will they really actually learn the lessons? Did I?
Shouldn’t we teach our kids similar to a lesson at school? They teach the lesson and then send the kid home to do the homework with the knowledge that they may get a few wrong-to be brought back to go over and show the child where she went wrong so that when the true test comes around, she is ready because her brain has seen how to correct the mistake -here’s the kicker-BY HERSELF? But in this “perfectionist” society are kids trying too hard to find the correct answers to the homework at any cost so as to not get any wrong, that they miss the lesson of it all? Are we making sure our kids are too “perfect”? Are they more afraid of making a mistake than they are of not learning the lesson?
It used to be those kids “born with a silver spoon in their mouths” were the ones whom society branded as spoiled and lazy-not knowing how to do the basics in life for survivial…but in this “you owe me” society of ours, even the children from middle and lower income classes seem to think that society owes them something…like they don’t have to give any sort of contribution…”Working hard” seems to be a mantra of the past. Of course this broad statement doesn’t encompas each and every child but for the most part, this is what I have experienced.
So the question is, how do we find a “happy medium”? One where we can teach our children the valuable lessons in life-survival lessons, then let them go and figure it all out ON THEIR TERMS but be able to hold them close at the same time? Do we need to release the hold-give them a little more leeway? Instill in them the confidence to go out there and as Nike says, “Just Do It”. Or is it me who needs that confidence???
I want to parent like a wind up car…you wind it up and then you let it go-it goes where it wants but needed that original boost from me in order to move forward….But I am so afraid that something will happen to them or that they won’t know what to do that I think sometimes I smother them too much. So maybe this isn’t about the kids at all? Maybe this is about us…me. My insecurities, my issues, my control, my need for doing it my way. I don’t do things exactly the way my parents did…so where do I get off thinking that my kids have to “do it my way or it’s the highway”? So long as it gets done, why do I REALLY care the method? Is our type of parenting creating an Orwellian-type society? Are we seeing the beginnings of a 1984 (and I’m not talking about the date).
I know I will not be that parent who contacts the collge professors to make sure my kids are “taken care of” while in classes there…but unless I climb out of my own need for perfection and control and helping them at every angle, my kids are going to expect that. To some extent, I need to let them “fail” and be there to support them when they do (with love and understanding and lessons)…so that they can actually use the lessons that we have taught them to pick themselves up and prove to themselves that they are indeed self-sufficient and can do it!
I’m lucky, I have two pretty incredible children who seem to tolerate our expectations well. But unless I let go a little, I think I am setting them up for failure-that I haven’t allowed them to experience before. I need to love them enough and trust them enough to allow them to fail. Please comment on your thoughts in the comment section…
What a vicious circle….
In Good Health…
TIP OF THE DAY:
This is certainly a non-sequitor tip as to my blog topic today! But here you go: Allow yourself to find five things you are grateful about for the day. Just before bed, write them down, or just think about them. Even if you had the very worst day ever, there is something out there that you can be grateful for. Find one if five seems out of touch. How about, you got to wake up this morning…got to eat-something as simple as that. But I suggest you find something deeper…Find something good even if it is out of the bad. Do this for one week if you can…see how you look at life in a completely different manner.