So my daughter has this friend who is so bright and shiny and never seems to have a bad day. They are going into 8th grade so they are in “THAT” time of their lives-pre-teen girls. This girl, however, is different. She once told me that she wakes up every day and tells herself that she is going to have a great day-and then she does. She chooses to smile. That’s pretty deep for a girl so young-to understand that she has a choice in how she lives, how she will affect herself and others. That does not mean she doesn’t have struggles, but it is how she chooses to deal with them that makes the difference. I’m 43 years old and still struggle with that.
In all my personal work, I still have not been able to grasp the idea that only I am responsible for myself and my attitude. That I get to choose how people affect me and how I deal with situations and problems. That being a certain way is a choice….
This world is so full of bitterness and blame and it makes me sad. I am not immune from that sterotype either. I have been known to have a sharp tongue but to be honest, I hate it. Inside I scream at myself because I HATE to hurt people-I would rather hurt myself than others. But that’s all wrong too…what I need to do is be true to myself and honest with myself and then perhaps I wouldn’t have to sling uglies at others. I need to be happy for the lesson instead of upset that I had to learn it.
Frustrations about everything lie at every corner-no time, it’s hot, we need rain, the kids are driving me mad, my husband doesn’t understand, I don’t understand, I feel like a lazy loser, the house is a mess, I can’t catch up, we don’t have any money, my coworkers suck, my boss expects too much…blah blah blah complain complain complain. But here is something that I would like to share about myself…that in all of those frustrations, I have this ideal that no matter what, we will be ok-whether it’s money or time or anything, I just believe that all will be fine-things will fall into the place they need to be and all is well. Some people I know do not hold this same vision about life and therefore get upset at me for what they perceive as my lack of drive or maybe care is a better word, in certain situations. I do care-I REALLY care, but I believe…I believe that God has a plan for me-for all of us. I believe that if something doesn’t fall into the place I think I want it, then it wasn’t meant to go there or be that way and so therefore something else needs to happen. I stress about so much “stuff’ in my life that to add the “what if’s” of the future would drive me to the looney house. I am content in just having faith.
So, here is my point (to you and of course to myself)…Don’t stress-no really…don’t stress, believe that all will be well no matter what (it might not be fun or might be difficult but it will be ok), wake up each morning and tell yourself you are going to have a great day and have one (or at least start with having an hour or two)! This really is a choice you can make for yourself.
Be happy-really be happy-aren’t we so lucky to wake up and be alive? We spend so much time being unhappy or finding the bad/negative in everything that we forget that the alternative is not being here at all. Look at the small things in life and find SOMETHING that makes you happy and smile. Watch your stress melt away from that one small “thing” you chose to find beautiful.
I watched my son the other day at one of his sports practices. He isn’t particularly athletic-yet- but he smiled the entire time. He wasn’t great at what they were doing, he wasn’t the fastest, he wasn’t the strongest-he even fell flat on his face at one point, but he smiled because he gave what he could and he CHOSE to enjoy himself even though he wasn’t what everyone perceives as “perfect” at it. He felt perfect and that is all that really matters. Bless him for showing me that. It is a picture that I will never ever forget. I will forever use this as an example to myself and others.
I also like to use the pro-golfer Matt Kuchar as a great example of how a smile can change both yours and others’ lives. After his Freshman year in college, he qualified for the greatest golfing championship in my opinion-The Masters. He should have been intimidated, he should have been scared and he should have been more serious-right? But what he was was happy and grateful. Kuchar swept the golf world off its feet with his smile and game, right under the shadow of Tiger and other incredibly successful professionals in the first round. As Woods and the others sputtered and fumed when their putts careened past the hole and clubs were slammed at bags when shots went awry (yes this did happen), Kuchar beamed-not because the other players were struggling but because he was having the time of his life, playing well and enjoying the moment and he wanted everyone to know it. To Kuchar a round of golf is a celebration in and of itself. To Woods and others on that course the game is a strategic tragedy fraught with peril at every turn of a dogleg – kick butt, take names and add them up at the end. In Woods’ mind, the only thing worth celebrating is total victory and nothing less. To Kuchar just playing the game and being out there was enough. I don’t particularly remember much about that Masters except that Mark O’Meara did win the Championship but it was Kuchar who ran away with our hearts and will be forever burned into my memory of what was important that weekend.
So I also add SMILE-it might tick off a few people or make them question your motives, but do it anyway and be honest about it not mean. People may even yell at you to “wipe off that shit eating grin from your face” (that happened to me just last week)-smile anyway-because it isn’t about them…it’s about you and your affect on yourself and the world around you and how you choose to deal with issues and problems. It’s about being grateful for the moment or for the lesson you just got to learn. Even if you make a mistake or say or do something you regret, smile-not because “you showed them” but because you are happy and you are healthy and you realize that maybe you shouldn’t have said or done that and that realization alone is a big postive step in becoming a better person. That in itself is the lesson learned and something to be proud of and happy for.
I am a HUGE work in progress (I say it all the time), probably we all are. But we can change our own worlds one step at a time.
In Good Health…
some information for this article taken from Florida Golf Monthly,Copyright 1996, 1997, 1998 Impact Interactive, Inc.
So, I DID IT!!! I resigned from my job at the school system and have taken a part time job with a firm that does land deals-more up my alley AND this allows me much more flexibility to continue building my health coaching business! I feel really good about not having to do a job that my soul was not in but now I am a bit nervous about the future (even though my soul is in this one). They say that you should face your fears head on, acknowledge them and do it anyway. Well, I’m jumping in with two feet and my eyes closed. I am so very excited about this new phase of my life but fearful I am.
I think the biggest issue is that this will be a test for me. This will show myself if I can practice what I preach…can I talk the talk..get out there and market myself enough for people to see how valid I truly am? I KNOW with everything that I am and have that I am good at this, that I know what I am doing and that I am ready for the big time, but will some ugly part of me show up that deep down I knew about myself but didn’t want to admit? Some things that I have not yet confronted in my personal work?
For instance…am I lazy? Have I been so lucky in life that everything pretty much went the way I wanted it to so that now I have no skills to work hard to be a success? Does it really matter how bad I want this? Will I sabatoge myself? Will someone else sabatoge me along the way enough that I can’t recover? FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR rearing its ugly head from everywhere…
They say that your life will end up where your thoughts go…so I have to figure out how to step outside of the fear and show people that I can help them make a change in their lives-that I am the “real deal” that I truly CARE about their outcomes in this world.
So for today, I will hold my head high, smile inside and out and feel proud that I have taken the first step towards a really killer life…this is the best way I know how to face the fear in the beginning.
Step 1-take care of yourself first before you can attempt to take care of others ——quit unhealthy job…CHECK!!!
I have a sign on my wall that says, ” What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”-it’s a valid question and a great way to face my fear head-on.
In good health…
Today while I was washing my face I turned to find a tiny bag of bath salts and a bar of facial soap from the Omni Hotel in Chicago. My husband returned late last night after being gone for a week on a business trip there. What struck me the most wasn’t the items in themselves, though I admit I LOVE those kinds of self-indulging things, but that my husband thought that I might like them and made an effort to place them into his bag to bring them home as a gift to me. He had grueling days and nights this past week but still managed to take a look at things that we all take for granted (soap in a hotel) and thought about someone else-about how I might love those things.
In this angry, ugly and tough and selfish world, maybe we could all learn something from this gesture. To be gentle and kind and think of others in times of stress and feeling out of contol, somehow brings us back into control of our lives. To remember the people we love and things that make them happy can be so good for our health-so good for our hearts. Why not do something to make someone else feel special-to climb out of our selfish lives and into one of selflessness.
You say you don’t have the time? I say how much time does it take to smile and ask how someone’s day is going or to toss a quarter into a homeless person’s hat…You say you don’t have the money….I say how expensive is it to pick a flower from the roadside to take to someone to make their day (incidently taking a walk in nature-however short is so good for your soul)? You say you wouldn’t know what to give or do? I say it doesn’t matter so long as it is from the heart-write a poem, simply draw a happy face on a piece of paper and say I love you or I am thinking about you.
We take for granted the people in our lives and that complacency is awful. I think the little gestures and things in life can change a person and can change ourselves. Maybe, just maybe, if we all stopped -slowed down our lives for just one moment and took stock of where we are and what we are doing, then many of us would realize that we are going through life without a TRUE purpose and perhaps would make the changes to be healthier and happier. This would create a domino effect-can you IMAGINE what we could accomplish then?
Oh, and if you are the recipient of any wonderful gesture…don’t forget to acknowledge the person, smile and say thank you-and mean it…
Just some random thoughts…
In Good Health…
So I have noticed a lot lately that many people I know complain about how their friends and families are just not there for them when they need them. They are furious and feel like they have been abandoned at their biggest time of need. Whatever their struggles may be, they just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that someone didn’t give them the sympathy they required. They have the “I thought you were my TRUE friend, my REAL friend wouldn’t have done that” syndrome. But here is my take on this situation.
I think we all have to remember that people, especially our friends, do not owe us anything. There is not a rule book on what a true or real friend looks like or is supposed to be or how they are supposed to act. Each (individual) person has their own needs-requirements if you will, of their friends. Each person is different and may only be able to give their friendship in small ways. When we struggle with what life throws at us we tend to need what we consider support-but really let’s be honest, we want people to feel for us, know everything we are going through, feel our pain, I hesitate to admit even feel sorry for us.
It is all about us at that moment and we want everyone to make sure they are front and center in our issues and problems and that WE (our issues/problems/dark times) are front and center in their lives. That only those people who are the very truest of friends will make the efforts to stroke our egos by supporting us through our bad/hard/difficult times-the others be damned. When that one person we feel should have been there for us just wasnt (or couldn’t be) then we take it personally like who the hell do they think they are not being there for me in my times of hardship? “I thought I knew her”, “what a jerk”…We all seem to say I love you unconditionally or I am your friend unconditionally, etc ….. as long as you meet my conditions!
Don’t you think this is very arrogant and I dare say vain? We all want to be there for our friends any time they may need us and frankly I do not know a single person who wants bad things to happen to others especially their friends. But if a person does not or is not able to reach out in your times of trouble, that does not mean that that person does not love you or think about you or wish the bad to go away and that you have peace. Maybe, just maybe, those “horrible people I thought were my friends” are going through something themselves. Maybe all they could muster is a prayer for peace for you. Maybe a good thought and well wishes is all that they can handle. Perhaps what is happening in their lives doesn’t give them the strength to “be there” properly for what you require of them as a friend in need. Maybe their manner of grieving for you will never be enough for you anyway??!!
But shouldn’t it be?
So I say let’s all back up and give the people in our lives a break. Try to look at it from another perspective. Maybe it has absolutely nothing to do with you (WHAT?) and your anger at the situation is completely unfounded and unfair.
Steven Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People wrote about paradigm shifts (looking at something from a different angle). He writes: “… he was traveling in a subway, a man gets in with his two sons, the sons are running all over the place bothering the people, this continues, so he finally gets irritated enough to ask the father why he doesn’t do something to control his kids. The father replies, “We just got back from the hospital where their mother died. I don’t know how to handle it and I guess they don’t either.”
Suddenly you see everything differently. That is the power of a paradigm shift. They are the same kids yelling and screaming in the subway, but you look at them and understand them in a different way. All of a sudden their lack of respect for you and your space may have a valid reason in your eyes and your opinion of how they handled you and your situation may not look so dire and ugly.
Perhaps this is how we should look at our lives with regards to how others fit into them. We all have our own journeys that we are on…ones in which we may not be able to understand or “be there” for others whom we may love otherwise but can not find the energy or ability to show at that moment. This certainly doesn’t mean that we love our friends less or that we do not care. Perhaps, even in our own pain, we should attempt to “see” those people from another angle.
Let’s be gentle with each other. We all are not privy to what others may be going through even if we think we are. Be ok with not always getting the reaction that you want (or think you need). We all need to jump out of our own arrogance for five seconds to understand that when one begins to place requirements (spoken or expected) on people in order for them to be your friends, then that negates what a true friend really is. There shouldn’t be strings attached. Maybe, just maybe this has absolutely nothing to do with you after all. This is a hard lesson that I admit to not wanting to learn either.. It is so much easier to blame others than just to be ok with what happens (or doesn’t) Be happy, be healthy and have peace in your lives friends!
I am… In Good Health…Linda
TIP OF THE DAY:
Go to a local farmer’s market. Even if you have never been or do not know what to buy-just go. See the fresh vegetables, fruits, coffee, crafts, soaps, breads, fresh eggs just off the farm, grass fed (well cared for) meats, fresh homemade olive oils and the like.
Walk around and take in all the sights, sounds and smells of hard work, dedication to health and happiness. Even if you don’t buy anything just feel the amazing energy that surrounds you. Feel the happiness-it feels almost like a sigh of relief. I know this sounds silly but just go to see what I am talking about.
You are going to want to buy something, this I promise. You may not know what to buy. I say look for something out of your comfort zone. Something just for you that you may not even have the courage to share with your family that you purchased for fear of ridicule. Let it be your secret. Or, buy some fresh oranges, apples or peaches. Eat one as you walk around and let the cool juice drip down your arm! Be a kid again-allow yourself to dream and feel free. Let go of what is happening currently in your life for just a moment.
Take some of those oranges home and squeze them fresh and serve yourself the juice in a goblet or stemmed glass with some ice-you deserve no less. Savor it… it will taste different that I promise.
Or, get some fresh local tomatoes and fresh rosemary-slice them up and lay them in a glass pyrex-type dish (cover the bottom with some cooking spray). Cover each slice with fresh garlic, some leaves of fresh rosemary and a bit of parmesan cheese. Place in 400 degree oven until cheese is melted sufficiently and serve as a side dish or even as your main course! YUUUMMMMYYY!
This is the work of the small business. Local farm to market foods beyond compare. God’s bounty and gifts to us all! Enjoy it! PEACE!
So I was congratulating a friend of mine for a new job he got when he told me that he follows my blog-do you KNOW how cool that feels to know someone follows your thoughts? He suggested I do a blog about “spending the day not looking at ones-self not in the mirror, but in the eyes of the people you interact with. Reflections in the eyes of our children, our friends, can be very empowering.”. So, of course, my first reaction is…so what are you saying about ME? Back up against the wall…feeling attacked and suddenly like a victim.
Then I thought maybe he is on to something. Maybe, just maybe there is something to his suggestion. How do I look in others’ eyes? Does it matter? I would venture to guess that my answer below is NOT what he had in mind…but this is how I feel….
Should we allow the eyes of others to be a mirror of us? I think there is a fine line here. My first thought is where does ANYONE think they get to be the authority on my life-needing to tell another person how they should be, how they should act or how they should think. We are our own people and should not need the approval or opinions of others to make our lives whole. But everyone is allowed to have their opinions-that’s one of the beautiful thing about human nature. But mirrors? Should what they see be the reflection of ourselves that we see?
I have spent my life worrying what others think -to the detriment of myself. It makes me exhausted and stressed out because no matter what I do, I will NEVER be good enough in someone else’s eyes. There will always be something that they do not like in me-something I do, something I say…So, in my friend’s mirror -is it me that I see that is not good enough? Don’t people’s perspectives change depending upon what THEY are going through…so is it really about you or about what is happening in their lives at the time and are currently reacting to? Maybe it isn’t about you at all-maye it is. I am not sure one can totally judge one’s self on what they see in someone else’s eyes or how they react to you. Is it vain to think that it is all about me? I think there is a fine balance that must happen…we should be role models to our friends and children but mainly because we are role models to ourselves. When we accept ourselves the way we are, then others can see confidence and we dont have to care what they opine about us. This is SO easier said than done. Can we learn a lesson from how we act towards others? Should I look into the eyes of the people I encounter to find out who I am?
It is true I have spent my life getting to know and loving people then trampling on some to move toward the next step in my life. I have weeded out those whom I feel do not have a place in my journey anymore. I have been weeded out by others too. And it does hurt. Many times we do not know why-but we must accept that it is the journey of that person to NOT have us in their lives. And it needs to be ok!
This also doesn’t mean that I do not love the people whom I have left (or that I am a bad person or need to change myself to conform), it just means I have gotten all that I need from them and must move on. It doesn’t make me feel great to hurt others, but perhaps that is the journey that I need to take. We grow and learn and change-our lives are not static. We all have our own journeys to take. I struggle every day to WANT to make mine about not conforming to what others think I should be doing or saying. It’s just not that simple.
How DO I look in others’ eyes?
From the eyes of my best friend-I would venture to say that she loves me unconditionally and without prejudice. Do I tick her off-duh, of course-that is human nature-but I know that no matter what I say or do, she is ALWAYS there for me and I for her. She is one of my lifetime people. We went through a journey that was the most difficult journey and learning experience for me ever. I almost lost her forever but I found that I need her and I think she needs me. I tucked my tail and she forgave me (incidentally that is the kind of person she is-pretty fantastic isn’t she?). So how do I look in her eyes? I don’t know-I can not live through her eyes-it’s too much stress and exhausting to make sure that she thinks the world of me-to act a certain way to ensure a certain outcome…I can only love her and be the best friend I can be and hope that is enough. I know, however, that I am loved and she doesn’t judge me. THAT is how it should be.
From the eyes of a former friend whom I said goodbye to, I am sure I look like a complete bitch. It hurts to be rejected and believe it or not it hurts to reject. But for this particular friend, I will always love the times we had and love her in my own way but needed to move on for MYSELF…How do I look in her eyes? I do not know-we have no contact and frankly I can only hope she looks at the nice times we had and not at me through the eyes of hurt or anger-because those eyes are not always the most honest. She is one of my reason/season people. And I thank God every day for what she gave me. She is a beautiful person and the world needs her here, I just needed to move on. I learned lessons from our friendship and from our “breakup” so sure perhaps she is a mirror.
From the eyes of my husband and children-I can only hope that the way I live my life and the way I am is ok with them (it has to be). I can not be anyone else-just me. And, I do not think they want me to be anyone else. We are all content to know that we chose each other because God inteded that. All I can do is teach my children to the best of my ability, the way I know how. Unfortunately I know that this will put off some people in their futures-people will not like the way they do things or the way they think. I have to instill in them that they can not be all things for all people but only good enough for themselves-AND IT IS OK. Should they learn their own lessons from how they treat others-of course. I am a proud wife and mother-am I perfect-um NO! But, I am doing the best I can and I think that when I look at how my children are, that I am doing a pretty damn good job. Are they a mirror-you bet your booty they are and I am proud of me for that! It isn’t always pretty but then again isn’t that what a mirror is for-to show you the REAL YOU?
So, should people be our mirrors? Should we look at ourselves through other’s eyes? I think it is indeed a learning experience to see how we are from the other’s perspective-but the truth is, we will never really know the real truth and I think it really doesn’t matter because people change and are all going through their own personal journey. How I look to someone now is not the same as how I looked to them a few years ago or will be in a few years from now-like I said EVERYONE changes-their perspectives change. I just feel like if we are not good enough through someone else’s eyes, perhaps it’s time to move on. I have indeed learned many many things through the eyes of others-but this is because I was my own catalyst-I made these things happen. So perhaps the best mirror we need to look into is our own.
I am blessed to have had so many people run through my life-they are part of what made me who I am today. So to those “mirrors” THANK YOU for allowing me (whether you liked it or not) to grow and learn about myself.
In Good Health…
Reason Season Lifetime
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, Or to provide you with guidance and support, To aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person anyway; And put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life, Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Author – Unknown